New York to Boston

Its amazing how people can band together over the littlest things. As I'm riding up to Boston after my 12 hours in Jersey, the bus driver does not seem to understand that we are all baking in the bus. After about 10 attempts to tell him to turn the heat off, he turns it on, and then up. slowly, the air gets staler and hotter, and we can't breathe. the elderly lady is severely upset, and is now calling the company in order to get the problem fixed, but I'm not sure exactly what this will accomplish. we have all bonded in a strange way. And I'm sure that after this experience, I will never see anyone of these people again, but we will all sure have a story to tell.

In an unrelated topic, as I am looking out the window, admiring the spring foliage, I am a little sad that Utah doesn't have much foliage to admire, at least none that I am too aware of. Maybe in the mountains, where water actually accumulates, but in the valleys and deserts, not too many trees exist. Here in the east coast, is another story. Trees for miles and its beautiful. The different colors of the trees as their budding and life is coming back after the winter create so many different shades of green. Lime green, vivd green, light green, dark green, orange green, some I can't even describe. Other trees are late bloomers or haven't gotten the memo yet, but they will be beautiful when they decide to bud. It's amazing how similar the colors are to those of fall, but there's a certain vividness to them, and vitality, that is different than the fall foliage. Those have a dimmer color and you know that they will fall off soon. These are brimming with new life. But I have gotten to know this side of the country well, enough that it has become almost second nature. It is time to move one and see new horizons, a new landscape, and admire the beauty that God has created all around us.

a long day.......

that's what it feels like. this year has been just one long day. i can not believe that freshman year is almost over. i'm excited for the change to happen already. I want to leave so badly. leave boston behind me, and continue on with life. I am stuck in this rut of a city, longing to get out. just leave.......

COLLEGE

getting through high school isn't too tough.  quickly, you learn how to navigate between people and groups and know which teachers to talk to and which to avoid.  Not a problem, because at the end of the day, to home you go and the comforts and warmth of a mother's arms and a bed you've slept in for many many years.  But college is a whole different playing field.  High school is the minor leagues.  You've just been signed to the majors in college.  And just like that, a bus hits and your in a room that others have used.  Your in a city or town that maybe you don't know.  Not only do you have to navigate between groups of people and classes, but also trying to find a grocery store.  Welcome to life, the world screams at you while you stare questioning at a map.  Welcome to life.  To the real world.  To the rest of your life.  You are no longer in the warmth and comfort of your mother's arms.  You have just stepped into a world you only hoped about when younger but didn't dare to dream about.  A new life, and a new beginning.  No one is here telling you who to be, all of the strings are broken and you are the person that you wish to become, you want others to see you as.  No parents to catch you when you fall.  Hopefully, you'll have supporting friends, ones that will try and lift you back up again if you do happen to fall.  Hopefully, you'll have comforting teachers and administrators who will temporarily take the place of arms where you can cry to.  Welcome, the world whispers, almost cynically, almost mercilessly, almost wishing you to fail.  Wishing disaster and chaos to come into your once peaceful life.  Welcome, and good luck.

Graduation

I graduated from High School on Sunday.  The moment that I had been looking forward to for the past 6 months had finally come.  What did it feel like?  surreal.  I can't process it.  I can't process any of this.  I'll be leaving the comforts of my high school community for a totally new city, a new state, a new school.  I dare compare it to birth, and the leaving of the womb.  It will be a slap in the face and I will gasp for air, staring around at the new life presented to me.  I feel like I'll have to relearn everything that I have gotten up to now.  Hopefully it won't be too traumatizing.  I am looking forward to the slap.

After my ACL surgery, it has left me with a similar knee as a grandmother.  I ache when it rains, and cry when I have to go up or down the stairs.  I avoid lifting anything heavy because I'm a little afraid my knee won't be able to handle it.  But I want to run.  I am to run so bad.  I actually miss it.  I make excuses all the time to people, but the point is, I really wish I could run again.  and jog.  I'm cleared to jump rope, which was on the track to jogging.  So I think I'll be able to jog soon.  Today was painful.  And the numb patch on my knee hurt, along with my shin.  I guess it sounds a little confusing saying that a nump part hurts.  But it does, even if someone hits it, or I bump it accidentally, it hurts.  I just want the pain to stop and go away.  If oxicodone didn't suck so much, I would be popping the pills.  Sometimes it's gone all together, and I forget that I had surgery.  But when I have to go up or down stairs, I am reminded constantly that I can't run just yet.  I really am looking forward to that day when I can jog without a limp.

Looking towards the future

It is a slow realization that my life will change drasticlly in a couple of months. In June I graduate from High School. I will never again be called a high school student. I don't know if I should be jumping up and down with joy, or approaching this change with apprehension. It kind of reminds me of my pending 10th birthday. As excited as I was to be another year older and closer to womanhood, it was a shock that I would never be a single digit age again. That seems a silly comparision, but I was not at all saddned by my graduatoin from 8th grade into high school. Grammer school was literally a hell on earth for me, and I never wish to repeat those years. But High School has been an experiance, both good and bad, but definatly a learning one. The time is fast approaching. And it is hard to believe, and slowly sinking into my head. I look around my room with each passing day and am realizing that this will only be my room when i visit. When I visit, because it will no longer be my permanent home. I will be going out into the world (of Boston) and living a new life, leaving behind the old. Much like sheading of skin. It is a welcome change that I won't have to visit my father everyother weekend and deal with the junk that he puts on me, but I will mourn the loss of my much loved house. This will be the biggest change in all my 18 years of living. But still, mixed feelings are building up inside of me. Change has that affect on the best of us, I do believe. The future is looming on the horizon, and I go to meet it. It makes me excited, to think that I will be meeting new people, gaining new friends, and living new experiences. But I am afraid that it will leave a whole inside of me that could have the potential to swallow me, if I let it. There are particular people that I will miss most of all, others were just passing through and does not matter much if they come or go. I guess that is how it goes, you take with you those that mean the most to you, so that at the end of your life you are only surrounded by the best. Those that you trust, and love, and who return the feelings. Only the truest of friends. I guess I have to look at it like a spring cleaning of friends. of my soul. Only the important people, important ideas, leave with you.

the Drama

I hate prom. It is silly and totally rediculus. The whole point is to look pretty and get all dolled up. Other then that, no one really wants to STAY once they get to prom. wow, money totally well spent.
So I'll be in Cambodia right before graduation. How insane is that? I really do not know what to expect, but should be rather interesting.

Rantings

I sit here, wondering why life can't become more simple than it is. And why, finding a special someone, can't be more simple. Why can't it just be: I like someone and I just go up to him and tell him. Why does there have to be games played and hints thrown and glances catched. Because the fear of rejection can be greater than the growing like of the boy. But why are we taught to go with our fears, or to be scared at all. When did that change begin to happen, because as a child I climbed trees without a second thought and jumped out of them without fear of breaking a bone or hurting myself. When did I become aware that things like that could hurt me, and when did fear begin to creep in. Maybe it happens when we learn that santa clause isn't real. or the tooth fairy, or the easter bunny. and why isn't it alright to believe in mythical or magical creatures. or that a man can travel the world in one night, because the rules of time do not apply to him. It is so magical to believe in something like that. But the age of innocence was lost, and somehow it can not be returned. how, then, can we prevent it from ever being lost. But then we find other things to place our hopes in, without fears. We find something that is unbelievable and throw ourselves into it. Sometimes its love, sometimes it mythology, or human nature. I don't know. Maybe I'm guilty of believing in love, but then it was shattered, just like Santa Clause was. Now I find myself without that inconcievable belief in something. It was a harsh reality to find that the Disney movies had gotten it all wrong about love and relationships. The girl shouldn't wait for her prince because the prince may never come. She needs to find her own way out of the dungeon. And there is no happily ever after. What happens, Cinderella, when you don't have the fairy god mother anymore? and you don't provide an heir to the throne? There is always a prince in all the stories. Can't they just fall in love with someone simple? Instead of a prince? I just want someone real, who doesnt have a country to run. But that phase of silly blind belief in the overcoming power of love that can break curses and charms is over. Again, I wish I could go back to it, and throw myself into its belief, but that glass was shattered and no matter how you glue it back together, the cracks still exist.

Progression

I am just now realizing how much a person uses their legs. Walking, laying down, sitting down, getting up, turning, driving. Even just sitting is uncomfortable. It is such a blessing to have the use of both legs and knees. It is something that the average people takes advantage of every single day. Even the use of arms and carrying things is made more difficult by the limitation of the legs. You can not get any where quickly, and must be patient with just walking down the hallway. And at the end of the day, I am exhausted from exerting the extra energy of just living through a normal school day. There is no need to complain though, because complaining only causes yourself to get frustrated and others to get upset at your whining. No one likes a whiner. Putting a smile on only makes things easier for yourself and others. At least, that is what I have discovered, and the philosophy that I utilize every day.

Only My Knee got hit by a truck

So, over break, I went skiing. For the first time in my life, I went on slopes. It was fun until I got off the ski lift. The ski instructure and I were heading down the mountain again, (well, i guess it would be not so much fun if we headed up) when I fell. It was a pretty lame tumble, to say the least. But basically, my knee popped because of my idiocracy and lack of skiing ability. I vow to never ski again. Come to find out (after I get home and go to the doctor) that I tore my ACL. one of the most important legaments in the knee. Oh joy. So doctor, what does that mean? I have to get reconstructive surgery. Which happened today.

Well, I want to curl up into a ball and die. except i can bend my knee, so i guess I can't curl. But pain killers are really really helpful :D I currently have an ice pack wrapped around my knee, having ice cold water pumped around my knee. It is a pretty nifty feeling, because It is so numb by now that my mom touched the water and asked if I could feel how cold it is. Nope, I cant really feel at all. When I got home, I cried. Trying to get up the steps, trying not to fall over while walking on crutches. I must have looked so pathetic, but it hurts to putt any kind of weight on it.

It's gone..

I've lost it. The drive to play my flute. For a split second in time, I had the vision of brilliance. I was going to be a performer. There was nothing except music, playing it that is. I knew what I wanted to be for the rest of my life and it was a musician. But it's gone. My image, my vision, has left me dry. I can not muster up the energy to pick up my flute because of the dream that I have lost. I play and my fingers do not cooperate anymore. My eyes go blurry and the notes all fuzzy. I have lost something precious and I want it back, but it does not want me.

What went wrong

I often reflect on the turn that my life has taken by actions that were decided by others. I entered High School a totally normal young lady. I feel that I am leaving it extremly changed in so many ways that I did not anticipate. It is never normal or healthy for a little girl to witness her parents fighting. I tried to shield my younger sister from it often times because I had been subjected to it when I was her age. As a young girl, I would lie away at night and hear my parents arguing, loudly. They must have assumed that we were asleep because they never fought in front of us. We is refering to myself and my older sister of 3 years. I don't remember what the arguments were about except that my father would always walk away and my mother would yell at him not to walk away while she was talking to him. That she was talking. He would passively ignore her. I think that I attribute this to my avoidance of conflict. The sound of arguing makes me uncomfortable and scared, frankly. Unsafe. My father was always there for me. I looked up to him when I was younger, but I was the second child. Softly pushed aside in favor of my older sister. I love her dearly, and I don't resent her for being first. I simply got used to being second. I understood and complied with my treatment. This isn't to say that I was flat out ignored, but I learned my place, which was not in the spot light. She was talk with at night, and it was a common practice that I would be ignore for bedtime "tuck in". That was the way it was. And then my younger sister came along, and she got more attention than I did. She is the sensitive one. She needs to have the special attention. Again, I got used to it.
But my parents: their fighting got worse. We never really went on vacation as a family, and my father was often busy with his biking. I don't much remember my mother in my early years. I think because she was like a ghost. Quiet in the background, helping us along, having snacks for us after school. She was not a major actor in her own life, I think. After the divorce, things changed. My mother, my father, my life. Everything is different. Everything and Everyone. My mother has found her voice and my father has changed personalities. I sleep in a bed that is not my own and eat other people's food. I have to smile and pretend that this new life, this new world that I have entered is perciesly what I asked for. Because watching my father dote on another woman is exactly what I want to see. Hearing him speak to her in ways that I did not know he could to someone that is not my mother is just what I love to hear. And then he tries to be my best friend. He can not see what he has done to my life, to my personality. I am scared to death of comitment. What if my special someone leaves me like my father left my mother? But my mother!! Her strength has become a brilliant and beautiful thing. She has found her strength that was always there but lay dormant inside of her. It has come alive in ways that are just beginning to unfold. I admire her more and more each day. I wish I had noticed her in my childhood. I am only starting to appreciate her and I am really saddened over our loss of time. I am going to run away for a while. I need to find my own voice. I need to seperate myself from the strangling oppression that I feel around my father. I need to break out of this shell that has been created by my parents. They have instilled in me virtues that are important, but consciously and invertantly. But starting this summer, I plan on writing about the things I AM doing, not what I WISH to do.

Into the Wild

I recently read a book called Into the Wild. Actually I read it last summer, but the impact that it had on me was so huge! Maybe I've talked about this before. The book is based on a true story about a young man who travels across America, basically. His life is so wonderful though. Full of everything that I long to do. I was discussing this book with my father, because I encouraged him to read it, and he thought that it was almost cruel for the boy to cut ties with his family. How can he not understand though? I see and understand his motives clearly.

I see my life, and what it is cracking up to be, and I am a little disappointed. I wish for it to be adventerous and amazing. I want someone else to see my life and go "wow, she really lived" not, "what was she doing with herself?" That is what I have been doing for the past 18 years, just living, just existing. Chris McCandless knew how to live. I love my family, but when going into the adventure of a lifetime, it is not wise to tie oneself down to family and relationships. Someone said that Chris had a problem with intimacy. I think not, but just being tied down to something pointless. My father thinks that it is because he was angry with his father. I was thinking about it and realized something: Chris's father had almost lived a double life and he found out that he was illegitamit. His whole identity was shattered. Your parents bring you into this world, and you expect them to know and understand themselves in order for you to define yourself. When the image of who your parents are is shattered you have to reevalute yourself.

Who you are becomes someone else. This whole image that you have had up until this realization is someone completely different from then on. Who you are is very dependent on who your parents are. But once you find out something about your parents that shatteres your image of them in consequence shatters your image of self. Your world crumbles around you. I think that is why Chris was able to become closer to those that he met on the road. They did not define him, but he could start clean with that relationship. He had to reevaluate himself in order to re-learn and understand who his parents were. Maybe I am reading too much into this and projecting my life into this situation, but that is how I see it. How I am beginning to see it.

Floodwood is one place where I can redefine myself, and figure things out. It is so easy to see who you are without the complications of family, which is another reason why I think it is healthy to seperate from family for a while. Not sever the ties completely, because it is family that should love you unconditionally, but just for a season. It is important to define yourself by your own standards. I see who I am most clearly when I am surrounded by nature. Others in other places. But Chris was able to be himself, most comfortable as I understood it, around nature as well. I find him to be a tragic hero, because in the end he did discover his tragic flaw which killed him. He had been living a secluded life. And I understand it. But he realized that having companionship of any kind is a gift as well. "And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness....And this most vexing of all, HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED."

Merry Christmas!!!

my favorite question that always comes up around this time of year is: wait, do you celebrate christmas?? this is normally followed with: of course, I'm Christian. which then is followed with: but i thought you were mormon?? i just laugh. Yes, but Mormon's are Christians too. I always give the example of: a flower is a plant, but not all plants are flowers. catholics, mormons, protestants, are all christians, but not all christians are catholics, mormong, portestants. But that question always makes me laugh.
I love Christmas. It is just such a wonderful season. Full of love, joy, happiness. I wish that everyone could just stop for a moment in their lives and realize just how wonderful life really is. We are always so caught up in our lives, that when Christmas comes, we take a second to breath, wish each other a Happy Holidays, and then keep on rushing on with our pointless lives. They are only pointless if we can not appreciate the love that is in them, or the people. Sometimes we really do need to stop and smell the roses. This is a reason why God had to create the Sabbath Day, in Order to stop us. We rush around in our lives, going from store to store, job to home, work to bed, all in the hope that we will be successful, but we can't seem to see that the only way we can become truely successful is by working hard, but being able to rest and play just as hard. Look around the mall at this time of year, and everyone is so stressed: finding the perfect present, what if they dont like it, how much money do i have, can i afford this. I get stressed just by thinking about it. I beg you, just stop. It shouldn't matter what is under the tree, but who you are spending time with, Not what is on the table, but who is around the table. we get so caught up in the technicalities of STUFF, that we just can't seem to wrap our heads around the idea that, it really doesn't matter. They don't need the present you are giving them, but the love that should be behind it. Everyone just needs someone to love, and be loved in return. I think that is the important part. Reminding each person that they are loved back. it is so disappointing giving someone a gift, and then not receiving anything in return, not because of the gift, but because your love was not returned.
Love someone this holiday, because you might be the one returning the love.

Californication

Why do people have to persecute others? Why can't we just accept everyone for what they believe and who they are? I am sorry if homosexuals are not permitted under Christian teaching to get married. I beleive that if you find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and they happen to be of the same sex, then good for you. Then you are lucky and should be allowed to love that person. But just as you ask for respect, I ask for mine. I am mormon, and while I have different views on things, the Church teaches certain things. Persecuting them for something that they believe is not correct. If you are upset, and anger, then deal with it in other ways then desecrating a Holy Religious place. Freedom of Speech....and Freedom of Religion.....Freedom of Assembly. We enjoy all of these freedoms as Americans. But we should not abuse them. All should be used in peaceful manners. You can public speak out against my religion and my church, but you take it too far when I have to see writings and signs on my temple. the House that I believe is God's House. It breaks my heart. I again apologize if the Christian teachings are not in accordance with your lifestyle, but that is no reason to hate us. I do not hate you. Personally, I believe that those who are not married are called to a life of abstinence and chastity. That applies to everyone. So, it only makes sense then that you too wish to marry. and legally, yes, you should be allowed to get married as well. But you can not expect religion to accept your marriage. I guess that is where the problem lies. seperating church and state, but church effects people's opinions which are then reflecting in the laws. I don't understand it, I am just trying to live my life the best way that I can. I am just desturbed when my religion is singled out. and protested. and desecrated. It reminds me of the angry mobs of the early days of my church. This religion is personal for me, I love it dearly, so it pains me when I see it slandered.

Victory!

After a long and brutul compaign, Barack Obama is going to be our 44th presidnet of the United States of America. I was extatic as I watched the States weigh in, and increasingly more where colored Blue. I find it discouraging, though, when I hear people bash and talk badly about our next president. It talks badly of the American people. We need to support whoever is elected. In the present moment, it is Bush. And there is no excuse for him. This sounds hypocritcal, I know, and I apoligize. I did not agree with Bush, but I also let people have their opinions about him. But if McCain had been elected, I would have supported him, while being a little shocked and disappointed. Those that did not support Obama as the Democratic nominee need to find it in themselves and support him as our President. It was a little harder to support Bush because we had him for 8 years, and his father before that. It is time for a little change. We are now going to be run by Democrats. It is not going to be perfect. No leader is, but he can still be good for the country. I do not think that Obama is perfect, or spotless, but he can still help the country. I am just a little annoyed that the people I heard today were complaining about him, saying that they hate him, that they are scared. You know what? The future is scary. I have no idea what Obama is actually going to do. Remember, he is a politician, and they never uphold on what they say they are going to do. It is hard to base them on what they actually say. It is almost better to judge their character. That is not to say that McCain has a bad character. He loves this country, I know that. And he has the experience, but his judgement of Vice President has to be questioned, and his campaign methods are also raised into question. In no way do I think, though, that he is a horrible person, that I hate him. I have never met either of them. I can only judge what I see on the television and in the news.
I want to see Americans become UNITED! Which is a novel idea (United States of America). Seperate States Unified under one government. It will be a wonderful day when we can all have our opinions and yet respect and understand others'. Both men love this nation and want to serve it. The people spoke and voted for Obama. Maybe he will be the better president, but we only get one chance, and the people want Obama. We must now back him up, and support him.
I'm tired of politics.

A little change of pace

During the summer, I was a CIT at a Boy Scout Camp. Yes, I am a female, and this works because I am also a venture scout. Its basically a branch of Boy Scouts that co-ed. It is amazing! I spent 6 weeks in the Adirondacks, living in a community with about 10 other males. It totally changes a person's point of view being around the other sex so much. I had very limited contact with females for that time period. I absolutly loved it. Not because I was surrounded by boys, but because I was surrounded by the woods. Yes, I am a nature lover. I meet some interesting characters while I was there, and they all had some influence on me, some more than others.
One of the staff, Dan, is a rather out there kind of guy. He plays guitar and has a sultry voice. He introducd to me Ray Lamontagne, who just came out with a CD. Absolutly amazing! i feel in love with it right away because it is so simple. So calming and inspiring all at the same time. I also read Into the Wild while i was up north. Totally inspiring. I gained a connection with Chris McCandless. We both come from rather disappointing families and want to find ourselves. He ran away, which I don't think I will be able to do. But I do want to escape from the complicated lifestyle that is fasioned for us as children. I need to discover who I am, and what I want without the influence of my parents, especially. I want a simple life, and that is what Chris, or Alex, symbolized for me. A simplier life without the complicated things that tie people down to a job in a cubilce. Man wasn't created to live in a box. I need to see the sky and hear the birds. I think that is also what Ray gives me, is a little sense of the Adirondacks, with his simple voice and just the guitar music. No big bands, just him, his guitar, and his music. So simple, and so comforting.
It is hard to be completely independent when so many people are holding you down. I yearn for the road. I plan to trip across the United States to see my country that I call home for now. I feel so restless, and I want to expand my horizons, meeting new people and seeing new places. I want adventure. I've lived in a box for way to long. This summer gave me a sense of what that would be like, and I loved it. I would be content to live in a tent, sleeping under the stars as my ceiling and going to a new place each day. I would just want someone to share this with, even though that seems contrary to what I have been saying. But this person would have to be intelligent and good company. Also would have to be quiet, but know when to have good conversation. Then again, maybe I'll just go by myself. But then my parents would never let me go. They can't seem to get their heads around the idea that I am growing up and I long to leave soon. I want to miss them. I want to honestly miss them, and the way that they nag me. Right now, its just a bother. I guess religion doesn't really fit in with all of this, except I want to experience the beauty and nature that Heavenly Father has created for us. Humans are destroying it slowly, and soon it will be gone. I want to see it all. I want to be able to say to my children that I had amazing adventures! Not just the boring living in the box. Chris' life is just amazing. I am so jealous of his ambition and guts to go out into the world. I want to do that. i want to live!!
Living at Floodwood truely liberated me, but only for a little while. I soon had to come back down, tie my soul to this uniform that I put on each day, and do the same monotonous routine each and every day. Nothing changes, except for maybe my moods, but even those get into a routine. It is pathetic and NOT how I am suppose to live. I feel the road calling my name, and I must answer it!!

Death

Recently, I have been faced with the question of death, in my own personal life when a close teacher of mine died of cancer. She is a wonderful lady. I say "is" because I do believe there is a sort of heaven. To explain fully, I have to go back a little further than birth. I believe in a spirit world before we are even born. We all existed before this world was even created. we all lived with Heavenly Father in the heavens, really. This world did not exist yet. It was a great council in heaven, and Lucifer, who will later be known as Satan, presented a plan not giving us free choice but that everyone would come back to Heavenly Father, but it was all by force. we would not have any say in it. and then, Lucifer wanted all of the glory. Then Jesus came forward and said that he would go down among us and sacrifice himself so that we could have the choice, or will, to make our own decisions. Jesus would sacrific himself selflessly, and break the bonds of death.
Now, those of us who have bodies (every human being since the beginning of the world) chose to follow Jesus' plan for us, because that was adopted. Satan was expelled from heaven, and denied a body. 1/3 of the host of heaven followed him, and they as well were denied a body. this is a very long explenation, but i am getting to my point. because we existed before our bodies were created, we will exists after they have died. I believe that we do not just cease to exist, but that we have a spirit, or soul if you will.
All of this knowledge is almost a comfort to me when she passed because I know where she is.
there is a spirit world, split up into two different parts: one for those who accepted Jesus Christ as the savior and one for those who rejceted Him. but this isn't the end of ends. Those who rejected Him, or never heard of Him still have the oppurtunity to accept Him and be brought into His church. After this stage, when He comes again, we will all be resurrected, just as he was. That is a pretty awesome thought. our bodies will be restored to their perfect state and reunited with our spirits. So, all of this to say: i know where we go when we die. it is not a mystery to me. I am not confused about what happens and I am really not scared.
I know where my teacher went, and she was a faithfilled lady. I know where she is and she is not in pain, and only looks towards the future.

R.I.P. Gordon B. Hinckley

A great man of our times passed away in January. The man touched many lives, including mine. He was a strength, a guide, and a wonderful example. He was an instrument in the Lord's hands and was able to accomplish many wonderful and beautiful accomplishments. He was a father, a grandfather and great grandfather. Not only was he a family man, but a man of the Church. He had faith and a strong testimony which many people could hold on to for support. I saw him once, pretty up close, and he was so happy. He was such a joyful man. His name was Gordon B. Hinckely. the 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He was not afraid to talk with the media or talk about our religion openly. He encouraged it, if anything else. He encouraged the education of women, and loved the youth. I will miss this man, but he is in eternity with his wife, whom he loved and missed dearly. He is at peace, with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

God Head

one of the most controversial parts of Mormonism, beside the plural wives thing, is the First Vision, as we "cult" members call it. So, as we believe it happend, from a first hand writting of it, was that Joseph Smith (the founder of the religion) had questions about religion (and not to offend anyone here) he went into the woods to pray to God because of a scripture that he had read in James 1:5: if any man lacks widsom, let him ask of God. So Joseph, who was only about 14 at the time, went to ask God about religion. he wanted to know which church to join, which I think shows a lot of maturiy.
The contraversial part comes in the next part: Joseph claims that he personally saw not only Jesus Christ, but also God the Father. this totally debuncks the whole trinity theory of the Catholic, along with the "God is love" theory. This (if believed, of course) shows that God has a body and that He and Jesus Christ are two different personages. If this is not believed by people, then the whole religion seems like a cult, or a scam. I believe it. and here are some reasons of why I believe it:
Prophets of old, such as Abraham, Jacob, and Moses, were able to talk face to face with God, if the Bible is to be believed. It is also said in the scriptures that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and forever. so, if he is so constant, then why would he change this basic principle of having not only a prophet, or a leader, on the earth, but one that He personally talks to and gives direction to.
Another reason is during Jesus Christ's baptism, how can God the Father talk from Heaven and be in the form of a dove AND be present as Jesus Christ all at once? That would be defying the laws of nature, and since God created the laws of nature He also has to abide by them.

In the Beginning...

I'm kinda tired of all the anti-Mormon stuff coming out with Mitt Romney running for the Republican nomination. So Mormons, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (LDS for short, not to be confused with lsd) have to defend themselves in public circles and clearify to people that "no, we are not a cult. we do not worship Joseph Smith. We do believe in Jesus Christ, it is kinda in our name. We are Christian, hence beliving in Christ." There is so much anti- stuff out there, and even if people do do their research, they will get stuff about how LDS do not believe in Christ or take our beliefs and twist them around to make them sound really bad.
So, with this blog, Im going to try and clearify some of the misconceptions that there are about the LDS religion. Cause, yes we are a religion, not a cult. Even when you look up 'cult' in the dictionary, you get a lot of different definitions, one being "the members of such a religion or sect" (dicionary.com) so from that definition, then everyone who belongs to a religion is part of a cult. that would include just about 1/2 of the human population probably. But other ones do say that a cult is a group of people, normally a religion or sect, that are isolated basically from society and do things that are not genearlly accepted conventional society. Well, I am pretty sure that LDS are not isolate. well, not in the present day at least. In the early days of the LDS Church, they moved over to Utah, not to purposly isolate themselves, but because the rest of the United States kinda pushed us out of all the rest of the states. Yeah, I can see how that could be called 'exculsive.' I really do not understand why LDS is considered a cult. Just cause LDS are not as public with their religion does not mean that we are all secrets. Just ask, and I am sure someone (an LDS someone) will fill you in.