Final part of Travels

Unfortunately, I was unable to get internet connection on the train, so I wrote down all my adventures on my iPod.
and have NO idea how to get it on my computer. No way am I going to type it all out. so, never will they appear on my computer. oh well.
but it was fun. train is definitely a different way to travel and one meets a lot of interesting people.

I'm watching this tv program about the buddha. and it is one thought provoking show. Sometimes I think that I might improve myself by not talking anymore. and listen more to what people have to say. maybe increase my mystery of self. and so i think i'll go back to school and never talk. or talk less. we'll see how long this lasts.
to be buddha. i should do some serious reading about the belief system and how to reach nirvana. maybe that'll bring some peace to my life. I love being LDS, and I truly believe that it contains truths and that I am a better person because of it. but I also believe that other religions hold some truths as well, and that I can learn from them qualities and traditions that can make me, still, a better person. I always need to improve, and maybe I should just go into silence. not permanent silence, but just calm down and meditate more, listen more, observe more. mindful.

Part 1 of My Journey Home

I kind of forgot how far New Jersey really is from Utah. I keep on getting reminded that New Jersey is across the country every time I tell someone how I'm getting home. Instead of the tradition 5 hour plane flight, I decided to take a train home, which will take a mind numbing 50-something hours to travel across the country on the ground. But it all started today. I finished my finals, amazingly, on Tuesday. 3 finals in two days. Although my friends seemed to have been jealous that I was done by Tuesday, they do not quite realize what kind of stress was being caused on my insides. My stomach was a ball of nervous tension. I would go to sleep and awake with the same tension, and it wasn't realized until Tuesday afternoon. Biology happened at 7:30, Monday morning. I did decent after about 3 days of studying. I am just grateful that I'm done with the functions of the cells and energy cycles and how DNA somehow, magically, turns into RNA. It really all seemed like magic, and I just couldn't seem to grasp the concept that this is happening right now in my cells... and that is why my eyes are blue :)
Tuesday, my finals were back to back, and that was probably the worst. because not only did I have to study for one exam, but two! and there wasn't even time between them. Math first, then US institutions, which was the bane of my existence this semester. sure, I might have grown up in the country, but who really cares about what the constitution? As long as I know that I have the freedom to write all this, and put it out on the internet just because I want to, what else is there to know? Okay, yes, i realize that the constitution is actually pretty important and can be kind of cool, but... honestly, don't care.
My train leaves Friday morning. Well, I guess it can't really be called morning, since the sun won't even be up when I do depart. But I had to travel down from Logan to Pleasant Grove, so do laundry. My family is so generous. They let me do as much laundry as I need to do... which happens to be a lot. I might actually be able to separate the colors and such. this is going to be an adventure! the drive down from Logan, as always, was uneventful. except for the part where I seemed to have entertained a van full of teenagers. What happened was:
I put the Cat Empire on... they are a pretty dance-y band to listen to, and it's hard not to dance when you listen to them. if you don't move while listening to their music, then you have no soul. I was stopped at a red light, and I happen to look over, and see this girl, I start dancing and she finally looks at me, and I smile at her. I think I probably weirded her out. I then continued to dance the way that I car dance (which really must be an entertaining sight) and I look over again, and the boy sitting in the back seat started to laugh too. I looked at him, smiled, and kept on dancing. The car drove away, and I felt content knowing that I had at least made someone laugh this day. Albeit, they were laughing at me, it didn't really make much of a difference. I enjoyed myself.
Driving through the canyon was one of the scariest experiences of my life. There's this fog thing that happens in happy valley. I've been told that it's toxic. It reminds me of the first batman movie, Batman Returns, where the crazy man is able to put the toxic gas to make everyone hallucinate and go crazy. pretty sure that's what's happening in happy valley. actually, what I'm told is that it's called inversion, and it's pollution. Everyone complains about it, but I am from Jersey, so I'm pretty sure I've inhaled worse things. but it makes for terrible driving conditions. It's wicked thick, and I could hardly see anything while driving for a bit. So naturally, I drove faster. Logic: because if I go faster, I'll get out of the toxic fog faster. right? okay, maybe not. that's probably why I almost hit a truck...... naw, he was pulled over off the road.
Other than those two eventful happenings, nothing else. Traffic sucks, especially when people don't know how to drive. and why in the world would you be talking on your cell phone AND driving in the fast lane ALL THE SAME TIME?! you naturally drive slower when you talk on the phone, and ergo, facto, oreo, piss off everyone else behind you. But I am safely in Pleasant Grove. I'll do laundry tonight/tomorrow. pack up my clothes, hopefully my presents won't break. here grandma, i got you a plate..... well...... it was a plate..... before it broke in Chicago....
Then off to Orem to stay the night there, and get up at the unnatural hour of 3:30 to catch a train. Actually, I just won't go to sleep. That is definitely the logical solution. Never go to sleep, therefore I'll never have to wake up.
Perfect.

Sunday Mornings

I woke up about an hour ago and the time has gone by lazily. I sit in my bed, and listen to the ebb and flow of traffic, the white noise constantly generated. I contemplate what I'll wear for church today, debating whether I should wear tights or go barelegged. At work yesterday, I received some flowers, purple and white flowers, with lots of green. It's beautiful and they are staring me in the face. I reflect on yesterday and anticipate the future. And all this has happened in the past three minutes.

Yesterday, I talked with the object of my affection for the present. He has no idea. But we created sweet conversation that both made me laugh and cry. He became my best friend last night, even if it was for only a night, we connected on a different level than how I've connected with people before. These conversations have happened a few times in my lifetime, and only with those that comfort has existed so strongly. I wonder if he realized that? I also wonder if I will miss him, because right now I think I will. We will pass each other in August as we swap places in the world. He travels to Boston, as I travel to Utah. maybe this is a metaphor of our relationship, that we were meant to meet for only a few minutes in our lifetimes. but he has had a profound influence on me, albeit only for a short time, it was still deep.

This is what I am thinking about, the past and the future merge together in my mind because the future is coming fast, I hear it's footsteps in the hallway, walking closer to my door. and I anticipate the knocking and when I open the door to receive it, will I be joyous? or will I be scared? knots form in my stomach at the notion of the future, butterflies burst from those knots. Ideas are driving me crazy.

New York to Boston

Its amazing how people can band together over the littlest things. As I'm riding up to Boston after my 12 hours in Jersey, the bus driver does not seem to understand that we are all baking in the bus. After about 10 attempts to tell him to turn the heat off, he turns it on, and then up. slowly, the air gets staler and hotter, and we can't breathe. the elderly lady is severely upset, and is now calling the company in order to get the problem fixed, but I'm not sure exactly what this will accomplish. we have all bonded in a strange way. And I'm sure that after this experience, I will never see anyone of these people again, but we will all sure have a story to tell.

In an unrelated topic, as I am looking out the window, admiring the spring foliage, I am a little sad that Utah doesn't have much foliage to admire, at least none that I am too aware of. Maybe in the mountains, where water actually accumulates, but in the valleys and deserts, not too many trees exist. Here in the east coast, is another story. Trees for miles and its beautiful. The different colors of the trees as their budding and life is coming back after the winter create so many different shades of green. Lime green, vivd green, light green, dark green, orange green, some I can't even describe. Other trees are late bloomers or haven't gotten the memo yet, but they will be beautiful when they decide to bud. It's amazing how similar the colors are to those of fall, but there's a certain vividness to them, and vitality, that is different than the fall foliage. Those have a dimmer color and you know that they will fall off soon. These are brimming with new life. But I have gotten to know this side of the country well, enough that it has become almost second nature. It is time to move one and see new horizons, a new landscape, and admire the beauty that God has created all around us.

a long day.......

that's what it feels like. this year has been just one long day. i can not believe that freshman year is almost over. i'm excited for the change to happen already. I want to leave so badly. leave boston behind me, and continue on with life. I am stuck in this rut of a city, longing to get out. just leave.......