Thursday, March 31, 2016

Disappointment

I've always hated being disappointed. I think it's normal, no one likes to be let down, to have your expectations not met. Even when someone says maybe, that adds this hope that it might happen, barely allowing yourself to feel the excitement, but it's still there. Your hope was raised, even a fraction of an inch. And when it comes crashing down, that fraction feels like an abyss.
I was disappointment recently, and it felt crushing. I had hoped that he would pull through and surprise me, even though I expected he wouldn't. Such a mix of emotions, and so when my expectation proved true that he isn't going to pull through for me, that almost hurt most of all.
But in thinking about it, do I really want to hate being disappointed. That means I have no trust, no expectations, no... standards held for other people. Is that even then a relationship. I don't expect anything from strangers, except maybe that I don't get murdered by them. But I don't expect kindness from strangers, it's always a pleasant surprise when someone holds the door, but I'm not disappointed when it doesn't happen. Disappointment stems from trust, from holding expectations and wants fulfilled from this other person, based on the relationship had. And do I really want to eliminate it all? Just to avoid the crushing feeling that happens when my sight is not met.
I propose that it is better to feel disappointment than to hold no expectations. This way, I know that I am loving the person. The trick then is to forgive and continue forward.