about no one in particular

A leap of faith and trust
Not just a wide stride
With at least one foot securely on the ground
But a leap
Nothing keeping you
Risking everything
The anticipation and anxiety that builds before
The adrenalin that pumps through during
But it is the fall
When you come crashing back to the world
That leaves the cracks and the scars
But without leaping
How can we touch the stars






Writing words because that is all that I can do now
Sleep will not come to my drowsy eyes
No matter how hard I shut them
Just the flow of my fingers on the keyboard
Letting out the words that burst from my seams
That wish to tell stories of life and lost
To weave stories that will never happen
Even in sleep I spin the tales
Awakening wondering if my entire life
has been just a dream
Glimpses of reality come and go through out
Never wanting to wake, which makes it hard to sleep
Scared that I will never wake again
And then miss out
on the stories that I create
Because one day, one story will come true.
The dreams tug at my heart
Whispering to me, seducing me, to sleep once more
Taking me by the hand
Leading me, guiding me
Back to bed





The stars that night were beautiful
Falling from the sky
Tumbling to unknown locations
Streaming out of sight
Make a wish as the ball of light flashes before your eyes
Wish to be lucky to fall without a net
Let go and trust
Take the leap
Wish to become a star
Shooting from their secure location
To new territories
Blink and you'll miss the chance
The chance to make a million wishes in one night
Don't closer your eyes
Watch the beauty collapse around you





Tell me the things I wish to hear
Gaze at me with those devilish eyes
Clasp onto me and never let me go
As your fingers dig deeper into my flesh
Scared that I will float away
Like a little boy holding onto a balloon
I will float away without your hold
Take possession of me
Lock me away,
I dare you,
In a music box, which only you have the key
My heart is not up for auction
It beats within your chest
You stole it from within me when you held me close
It jumped out of me, and found a home in you,
When you whispered in my ear
Words, breaths, promises,

Poems I found in an old journal

I wish I had one more moment
I wish I had one more day
To be able to say the things I think
To be able to do the things I miss
I want to embrace your beauty
I want to bask in your light

I pray for time to go faster
I pray for time to pause
I wish it was a video camera
So I could have control

But it is water and sand
slipping through my finger tips
But it is like a dandelion
with a gust of wind and it's gone

Something so brief has so much impact
something so simple runs so deep



Oct 2008
I come from a broken home
broken hears and broken lives
nothing certain and nothing permanent

I need to feel the sun on my head
the wind at my back
and the road up ahead

This life i lead
will one day end
this tired body
will lay down to rest

That day isn't soon
and I will travel
wherever the wind blows
the grass is green
on someone else's hill
so I'll go there

moving from place to place
no one will hold me back
I've broken all ties


Oct 2008
I was encouraged by your words
so comforting and true
when the world turned gray
I knew I could run to you
You're safe
You're real
You're everything I needed
but fate is cruel
and will never let us begin
so there can never be an end
my soul flies
at the sound of your voice
listening to each change in tone
it sounds like a melody
sweet like love
the love that runs dry
because the faucet can never be turned on
I would run with you forever
I would wait
till I turned to stone
Your words were all I needed
I'm yours forever.

just a cool picture that i took while in Florida. The place that we did work on used to be a homestead that had been bought by the state, so it had a bunch of old stuff scattered around, along with some orange trees. They were the best oranges that I have ever had. It was seriously delicious. Overall, a very good trip. :D

Just some Random Thoughts

Slowly, life moves at the pace of a snail who lives at six flags
Sometimes he decides to take a roller coaster, and for 5 minutes, everything speeds by and you have the time of your life
But it takes a while between rides, because he's a snail and can only go so fast



We are all our own pawns in a giant chess game, propelling our bodies forward and backward around the table, trying to get check mate, avoiding getting hurt, around we go, calling out moves, G7 to H9, learning the rules as we go, picking up strategies, learning what works what doesn't. We are stuck in this sick game until it ends, and life calls out check mate because the truth is we'll never win, those words will need fall from our mouths. Life conquers all

Midnight Rantings

Sometimes I wish that I could disassociate myself with this world. I want to walk away from it and live in a world that I create, with rules that I set. There are so many things that are just messed up and screwed up that I am not sure that anything will be able to fix it, except for the Second coming of Christ. Only Divine intervention can fix what we have messed up, and I mean that in the most literal sense.
There are so many people in this world that I love and hold dear to my heart, and it breaks my heart to see them in pain and to see them suffer. And it breaks my heart to see people, whom I will never meet and whom I can not fully identify with, but I love them, and I see injustice done and I cry for their hardships.
I feel that people have turned their backs on each other and live their lives with blinders on, and refuse to understand what is going on. How discrimination continues, how racism is prevalent today in so many societies. But we refuse to see, and refuse to acknowledge and refuse to do anything to help out our brothers and sisters. We look at each other as strangers, instead of seeing them as our fellow man and our friends, our brothers, our sisters. Everyone is related and connected, but through walls that society encourages, our cell phones, iPods, headphones, computers, things that encourage the isolation, we convince ourselves that everyone that we do not know are strangers.
I wish I could walk away from this. But since I can't, I wish that I could change this mentality, that we are all on our own, that no one understands and that no one is there to listen. I am here. I will listen. I will be present, if only for a little while, in this world, and I hope that as I go along with my life, that I will be able to lighten someone's burden by being there for them, by listening, anything that I can do to help.
But things just keep getting worse and with everything that Apple puts out, we bring ourselves closer and closer to being islands, with no one to talk to and no one to listen. We suffocate ourselves. And yet we wonder why suicide, divorce, are so present in our society. Brokenness. We are a broken society but no one is willing to get out the super glue and put us all back together. I think that we are frightened of the intimacy that that would entail. We are scared of putting ourselves out there for people to judge and to reject. But at least one person won't judge and reject. There is always that one person who reaches out their hand and accepts you as you are.
I read a quote the other day which said: if you want to have a friend, be one. I strongly believe that, because the only way anyone is going to care about you is if you care in return.
I get labeled as a hippie because I want everyone to love each other. I get criticized because I am optimistic instead of being realistic and harsh. But I think that it is possible for people to put their selfish needs aside and work for the community. I also get labeled as a communist or a socialist. But what I want is for people to work together. Think of all the things that could be possible if we worked together instead of working alone. It would not be a perfect world either, but I believe that it could be a better world. We are often afraid of things that we do not fully understand and know. The only way to dispel that fear is by getting to know what you fear, and to understand what you don't and are too afraid of crossing an invisible line that we have set up for ourselves.
I am guilty of these things as well, which is why I feel comfortable to point them out. I fear things, I put up walls. But I strive to break those walls down and to overcome my fears. No one is perfect.

End of Vacation

unfortunately, vacation always ends. But it's a new beginning, which I think is the best way to look at it.
I got to spend so much time with my family, with my two sisters who I am going to miss so much. My older sister went back to the Bahamas and I'm leaving my younger sister here. As I sat next to my older sister yesterday, I just wanted to memorize her face, because for once in my life, I have no idea when I'll see her next. This thing called "life" and "the real world" is actually happening.
The semester starts on monday, and I am still a bit clueless as to where my classes are. Maybe I'll run around campus Sunday night to try and figure out where I'm suppose to be going every day. But I'm taking some good classes, and like I said, it's a new beginning. I hope to meet new people, to challenge myself more to get outside my comfort zone. I'm just floating through life, not always rising to the challenge that life presents to me. This semester, I wish to grow and stretch my understanding, my ideas, my thoughts. I need to always strive to be a better person, to continue to grow, because once you stop growing as a human being, once you stop expanding your thoughts, that is when you become boring and out-dated. No one is listen to you because no one cares.
I leave tomorrow night. On a plane this time. It will take me a fraction of the time to get back that it took me to get to Jersey. I just pray that God will keep my plane in the air.
The heavens opened up today and let down about a foot of snow. I knew that I would be seeing a lot of snow this year, but I had no idea that I would be seeing it in Jersey. It's snowed more here in the past three weeks, than it did in Utah the past three months. But I'll probably be eating my words during the next three months back in Utah because apparently it snows much there. Glad I just got snowshoes. might be using them to get to school in the mornings.
New Year: Welcome!